By Teresa Fang, Stentorian Editor-in-Chief
At the conclusion of an all-employee professional development session at NCSSM-Durham last month, members of the administration unveiled news that 5th Bryan was ready for employees to move in. They reportedly chanted “we are a community” louder and louder until complaining faculty members grew tired of objecting.
“So that’s why we bought that custom-made circular conference table?” a confused but increasingly aware employee, Joseph “Sharp” El Bows, observed. “Anyways, good riddance, because I always hated not being able to stare at everybody’s faces equally across the old square table. Oh, and I guess I’m excited to live rent-free.”
The move will be effective over Fall Break, while students “don’t have the chance to mess stuff up” and faculty members can move in “without a hitch,” aided by all available residential staff. This will be overseen by Dean of Students Patricia Punctly, who volunteered for the position. “Rain or shine, I’ll be there. This is a great opportunity to demonstrate that the NCSSM comm-UNI-ty has immense compassion for our students going above and beyond the scope of the classroom!” she declared, chuckling at her own wordplay.
Additionally, the 28 rooms on 5th Bryan will all be triples; an idea created by the new Director of Community Building, Wallopy Jones.
“I love that we’re finally seeing eye-to-eye with each other through the thick and thin,” said Jones. “In my past job, we didn’t get to live on school campus. We were always bored on the weekend! That’s why I quit.”
Other employees share Jones’ excitement, including Community Coordinator Mary Ramsbottom, who has been at NCSSM since 1994 and was ecstatic to live closer to her teacher friends but slightly disheartened to hear she wasn’t able to room with them. Wondering why she couldn’t invoke the “Seniority Privilege,” she was quickly shut down by the administration.
“I don’t need to share a room though, I’ve got mine right here,” Chancellor Tom Hawkins said, motioning to a hidden door on the far wall of his office, revealing a closet full of colorful sleeping bags fitting every holiday from Christmas to Tax Day. “I’m literally the chancellor of this place.”
While this move is certainly novel in a variety of ways, the consensus among faculty is overwhelmingly positive due to the convenience of residential living and the opportunity to see the relaxed side of their students.
“Sweet! In all my years at Science and Math, I’ve always wanted to work on the weekends and see what my students are really like–like, what they’re really like,” said counselor Chitan Lee. “I hate seeing my seniors through grades on their transcripts. Now that’s saying something.”
But despite the excitement of the administration, it was noted that during the professional development meeting, a fifth of the table stared at their fumbling hands in worry while imagining their work-life balance torn apart. Reporters were about to ask them for interviews before the loud chanting started and all forms of media was pushed out of the room.